When we had our daughter, we had a pretty specific birth plan. We did and didn’t do it all. My labour with her was 3 hours. Total. From 1st cx to birth. I laboured at home for 1 hour before calling the hosp and telling them I was coming in. My cx were not regular in length but were quite close together (2-4 mins apart). I needed to trust my instinct that I was further along and although I was told not to come in, I told the midwife she could send me home if I wasn’t far enough along. Apparently I wasn’t acting like someone in established labour (yeah cause we all act the same…???). I wanted to push in the car on the way there and once I arrived I was fully dilated! So of course the birth plan about an active labour (showers, birth balls, massage, eating lollies etc) went out the window cause it was business time!
I wanted a hypnobirthing experience, which I got. I wanted to have a natural 3rd stage delivery of the placenta, which I got. I wanted to feel the baby coming out of me which I did. I wish I had asked for a mirror but didn’t think of it at the time. I also wanted hubby to be given the option of delivering bubs, which he did (it was beautiful). I wanted to cuddle our daughter and not have her cleaned or whisked away for cleaning/weighing etc. We got all of that too. It in essence was a brilliant experience and was more than we had hoped for.
With the twins it was always going to be different. The recommendation was an epidural. They were also just under 36 weeks, so many more people needed to be present at the birth (there were 16 in fact). Again though I wasn’t taken seriously as I wasn’t acting like a woman in labour. I could talk through my early cx, which started at midnight at 3.5 mins apart and within 30 mins were 2.5 mins apart. We hauled ass to the hospital and by that stage things were really coming along! We parked in the ER instead of the underneath car park just in case! I was 8cm dilated when they checked me out and I wanted to push when they were getting the epidural into me. Looking back I just should have refused it and had them without it cause it slowed everything down (but if anything had happened I would have had to gone into surgery under a general). They both would probably have been born about 1.5 hours after my first cx but in the end it was 4 hours.
We had no birth plan for the twins. The first baby is born like any singleton. Its the second baby that can cause complications, esp if they fall transverse in the uterus.
But all that being said, I got a mirror and they let me deliver/receive the babies (pull them out of me) so it was again a wonderful birthing experience.
So when it comes to our IP’s I have asked them if they would like to attend a hypnobirthing class. They said absolutely. Just so they know the science behind it all and how it works, what headspace I go into and what I will be thinking/breathing and how I will be pushing. And of course what they can do to support me.
I also well and truly now know my labour signs before I even start cx. This will allow us to prepare and once I have the first one, we will be high tailing it to the hospital cause subsequent babies are usually born FAST!
IM will be staying with us for the last part of my pregnancy so we can leave at any time. I am hoping that I go into labour at night again so there is no traffic! We wont have a strict birth plan- just some things we would like if possible and just go with the flow again. I trust my body and our IP’s trust it as well. I have given them the option of delivering him/her as I think its the closest thing to birthing a baby without physically doing it. IF has said that he would prefer NOT to travel down the business end but he will be seeing what’s going on cause I want a mirror!
I think its important that the mother/father/baby bond is established immediately so even if one of them doesn’t deliver, they will have immediate skin to skin contact.
Will you become attached to the baby you are carrying?
I think that there certainly will be some sort of attachment to the baby. One that comes from carrying a little one for 9 months and going through all of the rigmarole before you even get to that point. But I don’t think the attachment will be one that is maternal in the sense that I would want to keep the baby. After all, its not genetically mine. I think that for people going down the path of Traditional surrogacy, it may feel different but there is no way I would be keeping the baby! Its not mine to keep, he/she was only borrowing me to grow in for a little while.