Monday 19th August 2013- Final psych counselling complete!

So our final psych counselling session is complete!! IP’s, hubby and I had a group session. It was supposed to go for about 45 mins but there really wasn’t much to cover cause the counsellor knew that we had already gone through every conceivable scenario possible! She did ask us some “social” questions/statements though… stereotypes and things that people might ask. I found them fascinating and it was great that we got asked them. Things like “Surrogacy is not gods way”, “why haven’t you just adopted?”, “Why are you selfishly getting another  woman to carry your child?” All these things that we hopefully never get told/asked, but still good to think about and discuss. We all felt like that if we did get asked/told any of these things that it would almost be our duty to educate others about surrogacy and the positives that come along with it. We will never get everyone to agree or see things from our point of view but if we can open just one persons eyes to what it can achieve (after them having negative thoughts on it) then that is pretty good! The good news is that we passed and she will be giving us her recommendation that we proceed with the surrogacy arrangement. She even got teary with a couple of things we said and talked about which was sweet. Her report should be ready in a week or so.

It has been said a few times to us that some people will have a hard time truly understanding that someone will do something for nothing for another. We tend to be sceptics these days that nothing comes for free. That there is always a hitch, a catch, a hidden agenda of some sort. I find that disappointing and even upsetting. Is there a catch, an agenda? Sure! But not a financial or negative one. Its knowing that as a group, we achieved life. A child that would otherwise not have been if it weren’t for all of us working hard towards a final goal. Its knowing what I know and feel about being a parent- a mother- and wanting to pass on that feeling to another. Its putting aside the “me/mine” mentality that has infiltrated into me through society and simply doing something for another. Too black and white, you think? Maybe! Its not about being called an angel (that term does NOT sit right with me), its not about notoriety, big-noting myself, wanting praise or anything like that. Most of all, its being the best role models that we can for our children. Teaching them to do things for others, give to charity, donate your time, do things for those less fortunate then us. If I can instil that in them then I have achieved a special goal.

Our next clinic session is on Thursday. We are going to talk about the legal side of things- the questions that the Patient Review Panel MUST have answered in order for them to make an assessment and for us to proceed. We will also talk about who to tell and when. Some surrogates and IP’s have felt that there is a lot of work involved to speak with others about the
process, answer questions and be upfront and honest about it all. We have to be wary and mindful of the time that they might take up- and not all of it will be positive. I had never really thought about it in this way. I think a staggered approach might be best. As we want to be open and honest and break down some of the barriers associated with surrogacy, it may not be the best thing putting it out to everyone all at once. Definitely something that we have talked about as a group and will make decisions about as a group as time passes. Some people already know. Some will find out once the approval from the PRP is received, some will find out as soon as we get a positive, some will find out at 12 weeks, some when the baby is born!! A staggered approach does seem best I think.

It is yet another busy week for us. But as each week passes, we are closer to approval, closer to transferring and of course, closer to having a baby! Busy but exciting I guess you could say!

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