Wow, what a week!
To describe it as a rollercoaster ride seems somewhat blasé!
On Monday, embies were defrosted and a fair few didn’t make it. IP’s have never had this before. So more embies were defrosted so that we would hopefully have enough to grow to day 3 in order to be PGD tested! The clinic was giving us mixed messages and we really didn’t know what was going on. Sleepless nights and stressful days followed. In the end 5 survived to be PGD tested, although we couldn’t be 100% sure given the cock up information from earlier in the week. Basically from that point we would then not know if anything at all has survived the testing until we were due for transfer. It could all be cancelled! The not knowing part was the hardest. IP’s were calling the clinic and not getting far, I was struggling with my meds and it affected me waaaay more than I ever thought it would. We had invested so much time and effort into getting ready for transfer and it could all have been for nothing. It just goes to show how much I want this for IP’s and how much I want it to work for them. I think it would be worrying if I didn’t care about everything that was going on.
So, then I had a reaction to the pessaries and got a very upset stomach. Just what we needed! FS said that it was not common, but did happen so put me on Crinone instead. I noticed an improvement essentially overnight. Phew!
On the morning of transfer, we still didn’t know what was going on but pushed through the morning. I relaxed with a facial and a massage, IM and myself had lunch and did some shopping. Or should I say some aimless meandering through a shopping centre. It was a weird feeling.
Then it was time to go to the clinic and await our fate!
We went into the day surgery waiting area and a lady called us in to do an ID check, go through some paperwork, IP’s paid some cash and I signed some more consent docs. Then we had to wait for FS to come out of surgery. Agony! We made small talk in our nervous state and laughed at the message that my hubby sent IF saying “Good luck getting my wife pregnant today!” Once he had transferred all his other patients, he got to us. I was glad for this as he really spent time with us to make it comfortable and in comparison, the other transfers took about 5 mins. Ours took 15. The embryologist was in the room with us and before anything happened we had to confirm IDs again. She went through the numbers of embryos:
X were thawed (and then X more were thawed again!)
X made it to day 3
X were PGD tested
X came through PGD
X were considered to have too many genetic abnormalities to implant. This is not unusual.
1 perfect little embie was great for transfer- no genetic abnormalities detected! One perfect, golden, shiny embryo. The decrease in stress in the room could be felt and the sighs of relief audible.
Then I got ready for transfer (I will spare you the mental image conjuring details).
IM was sitting at my left shoulder on a chair and IF next to her. She kept cuddling and squeezing my shoulder and was trying not to get too emotional.
We watched a TV screen as the embie was transferred from the media to a small dish for a closer look. IF took a photo with his phone and we could see that some cells were coming out of it. Not sure if it was hatching or if some cells had just started to come out of the hole made in the cell wall that was required to be made for PGD. But it looked good! Then we saw it transferred into the really small catheter. FS slotted in the speculum (not too uncomfortable) and told the embryologist that he was ready.
Things went silent as she came into the room and I imagined the circle of life song from the Lion King as she was holding the catheter up high and the end was above her head!
FS slotted it in and I literally could not feel a single thing. Apparently they move it around a little and can tell by “feel” the perfect place in the uterus for implantation. I was none the wiser to this, I was just trying to stay still!
Then he said “all done, it went absolutely perfectly” and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief.
We then watched the embryologist flush the catheter to make sure that the embie had definitely been expelled.
And that was it!
I couldn’t help but joke “this is the most people who have ever been in a room when I got pregnant. And none of you are my husband!”. We all had a good chuckle at that! I then had to get my progesterone levels taken. They were 22 on that day and then increased to 39 yesterday after the change in progesterone delivery method. That is good. So I am now officially PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise)!
Do I feel different? Absolutely! I am carrying someone else’s baby and its a huge responsibility. I am checking and double checking everything I say/do/eat/drink etc etc etc. I find myself singing to my little passenger like a babysitter calming her charge while mummy and daddy are away. Very surreal feeling. Almost indescribable.
IM posted a quote the other day that really resonated with me throughout this process and will continue to do so:
“You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star”
So now we wait.
And to my little passenger:
Come on baby, be a stayer! Your Mummy and Daddy are sending you so much love I can feel it within me every second of every day.
I love you in a way that I cannot describe. Its maternal and protective but not in a way of a mother to her child. The love I feel for you is more than just that.
Its pure, all enveloping and everlasting. Why? Because I am feeding you with the love that comes through me to you. Its almost unexplainable!
You have so many people cheering you on, little one. Feel that love and use it to grow and be healthy.
I will help to grow you in the best way I can. To be fit and strong to meet your mummy and daddy.
I will count down the days with eager anticipation, yet not wish the time away.
Please little baby, grow.