Wednesday 5th February 2014- Definite renewed hope and excitement!

I don’t really know where to start! Besides saying HAPPY NEW YEAR, of course!

Things have been so busy, frantic, hectic, emotional, etc etc etc since my last post.

Christmas was great with the kids. They loved it. We had some nice days surrounded with family and took 1000 photos of the bubbas with all of their presents and enjoyment. Our daughter is STILL asking when Santa is coming back! A few days after xmas, we headed up to the border of NSW/VIC to stay in a resort there- our first family holiday since the twins were born. What a freakin disaster!!!! I wont go into all the parenting failures but we ended up coming home early. We thought we were prepared, but obviously not prepared enough!

Did all this busy-ness succeed in calming my mind about our negative transfer? Not really! IP’s were still quiet after xmas so I shot them an email laying it all bare- feelings, emotions (irrational or otherwise), hopes, dreams and so on. I was struggling. It turns out they were struggling too, but much worse. It was Christmas and coming up to the anniversary of their sons birth and passing. Oh my god, I felt so bad. How on earth did I expect them to give me support at such a dark time!?  They apologised. I apologised. We spoke about my feelings BUT they were upset that I didn’t bring them to them earlier. They had a point. We had spoken about everything in the past, the good, the bad, the easy, the hard. This should have been no different but I let it fester because I wanted to spare their feelings. But we are a team, feelings or otherwise, we needed to communicate. One to work on for me! I wont let it get that bad again.

So all there was to do was wait. Play the horrendously awful waiting game. As usual, PGD were so full up that they couldn’t get us in quickly. They gave us a date of the 22nd Feb, which was my sister-in-law’s wedding. Nope! Then the 8th March. No probs, but my birthday is on the 10th, so I want a good present (just kidding). Then the FS said that she was away on the 8th and we definitely want to have her do the transfer so we had to change it again. Back and forth, emails and phone calls. Were we scheduling the queen?! I didn’t want it pushed back again… In the end, we got Saturday 1st March. FS is flying back from a conference that afternoon to do our transfer. She knows how much we want it all to work and wants it so badly for us. She is a wonderful woman!

IP’s had a meeting with the FS and they spoke all about the transfer and what happened. She said there was NOTHING that anyone (including me) could have done differently, and that these things sometimes just don’t take. That really made me feel better. This time we can go into it armed and prepared based on what happened last time. More progesterone pessaries and some strategically placed injections- not as many as last time, thank goodness. My arse cheeks are still tender from the last ones!! So I am off the pill this weekend, then onto the meds, scan at the end of Feb and a transfer on the 1st March! Yay! I am excited about this one. But I am also more realistic and now know the drill and how it works. I think we will approach things a little differently. Not so much excitement that it breeds unrealistic expectations that arise from things we cant control. Excitement about the prospect but realistic at the same time. That’s all we can do. IP’s want me to rest up after this transfer. Who am I to argue if they are going to look after the kids?! Hell, I will stand on my head if I need to! I have it all planned, resting in bed with some books, taking naps, getting up to have meals served. Even if it is half of that then I will feel relaxed! They love babysitting and I trust them so much with the kids and the kids love them. It will be a nice time. A great juxtaposition- them looking after our kids as I look after and nurture one of theirs.

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