Bad blogger, bad blogger!
Father, it has been 5 weeks since my last
confession blog post.
I am so busy, its not funny! Since reducing my days at work to 3 a week to save on childcare costs (they put their prices up at the start of the year), I am struggling to get things done, am spreading myself too thin and feel like I cant adequately do everything that I want to do!
I am trying to fit 5 days work into 3 and am encountering things at every turn that just push me further and further behind. I think I am catching up and then BANG- a product complaint comes in or someone needs me to turn out another spreadsheet for them! My days off are busy. We fired the cleaner so I am now cleaning myself, alternating between floors/bathrooms/dusting/kitchen each fortnight. I also wanted to get the kids involved with other things and out the house so one day we go to playgroup and the other day they go to creche while I do a pump class at the gym. I have 3 voluntary roles that have taken a bit of a hit as well. How can I moderate a forum when I cant even find the time to log on?! Things are exacerbated by the fact that our twin boy has regressed in terms of his sleep and we are averaging 5 hours a night if we are lucky!
Things are just hectic, I am sure they will settle down and we will get into a rhythm but at the moment, its insane.
Unfortunately, we had something truly sad and awful happen to us on the 12th February. Our beloved dog Indy died. She was bitten by a snake in our backyard and died in my arms (I was home alone as I was ill that day) before I could get her to the hospital. It was a truly awful thing to experience but I am thankful that she didn’t die alone and she knew how much we loved her. I miss her deeply every day. She was a constant companion of mine when I was on maternity leave through all of my pregnancies and would always come and check on me and give me kisses and cuddles. The house feels quiet and empty without her. This is her a few months ago with our eldest. She was so calm with them and they were just starting to appreciate her and seeing them all play together was heartwarming.
I am seeing Ethan and IP’s every 3 or 4 weeks or so. He is growing up so fast! On the weekend, he was smiling and giggling at me- we were having the best conversations!! IP’s are taking every day as it comes, through wonder weeks and lack of sleep. They are doing amazingly well. The lawyer is processing lots of paperwork for us in order to get the ball rolling with the courts which will be exciting! Another exciting thing that happened is that hubby and I were asked to be Ethan’s godparents! Or as I called it- “Tummy God Mummy” lol. I accepted and feel so honoured and blessed to have been asked. Hubby, after much thought, declined. He doesn’t have positive thoughts and feelings towards the church, stemming from bad experiences in his childhood (nothing sinister, don’t worry!), so thought it hypocritical to then become a godfather. I completely support him in that way and IP’s understood as well which was great. I think he was worried that they would be disappointed in him. So the Christening will be in April, which means I really need to think about something to wear!!
A few weeks ago, I was asked to attend a play called e-baby about commercial surrogacy in the US, then participate in a panel discussion after the play about surrogacy. I am going to cut and paste what I wrote on the Aussie surrogacy forum about it:
“Ok, long post!
I attended the e-baby play on Sunday, as well as participated in the post play discussion about surrogacy. A few of you are interested in a rundown of what went on, so here goes!
The play was a dramatisation of the relationship between an Australian expat living in the UK and her American surrogate. The play ran the gamut of what goes on in a relationship between an IM and a surrogate. But obviously with the added complexities that contractual arrangements and payment can bring. It covered poignant topics such as multiple embryo transfer, distance difficulties, communication etc.
I found I didn’t really see much of myself in the surrogate, but in the IM, I saw lots of what I see/saw in some (not all) other IM’s during the surrogacy process. That feeling of not wanting to get excited just in case things don’t work out, wanting to be involved but not knowing where the line crosses into being too involved etc.
The 2 women were the only cast members and they were on stage the entire time. It was great to see how it was all achieved.
Now… you are probably all more interested in the panel after the play and what went on! From my perspective with this being the first time I have ever done something like this, it was a baptism of fire! lol
On the panel were:
The writer of the play
The chair- a woman from VARTA
Our great friend and anti-surrogacy lobbyist, RK
A representative from and Adoption support group
A fertility specialist from MIVF
So a great cross section with a wide variety of opinions.
I think I spoke well, I talked about my experience as a surrogate. I was backed up by the MIVF specialist who also had some great points about the difference between the play and altruistic surrogacy in Australia.
RK spoke about how surrogacy should never be able to happen in any way, shape or form.
The bio-ethicist spoke well about informed consent of a surrogate and how it cant really ever be 100% given as no-one knows how they will react during a pregnancy and post birth. But he argued that that wasn’t a reason NOT to have surrogacy as long as all of the practical implications were discussed.
What really got me perplexed however was the constant comparison between surrogacy and adoption. The regular mention of the fact that a surrogate (we are mainly talking about GS here) is “giving away HER baby”, which is definitely not the case! To me, surrogacy is where a team comes together to make a child. It is a relationship of promise, of hope and when a child comes of it, a feeling like no other. Adoption has been clouded with stories of women forced to give up their children, feelings of abandonment towards birth mothers and so on. The association with surrogacy in my opinion is a long stretch!!
We also spoke about human rights and whether a person ever has a true “right” to have a child. It was upsetting to hear RK and the adoption lady speak of the fact that people who cant have children don’t have the right to engage in surrogacy as we cant have ownership over another person. The beautiful C (IP) spoke emotionally of her experience and that she felt that she did have a right to have a child and be a mother. If you have the ability to care for a child, physically, emotionally and financially, then why not?!
There were stories and comments from the audience and a lot of debate. Healthy debate I think. It was good to see people passionate about what they believe in, even though some of their points were way off the mark!
Afterwards I got the opportunity to speak with the adoption lady. Her child and my surrogate baby were born within a week of each other late last year. I told her that and she looked like she was going to be ill! She was physically uncomfortable by my presence!! I almost said “you cant catch it, sweetheart”! I wished her luck with her baby and her response to me was “I wish you luck when you have to explain to that little boy why you abandoned him”. WHOA! I tried to explain to her why it wasn’t abandonment but she didn’t understand and may not ever understand.
During the panel I took the opportunity to point out that I was never, EVER this little baby’s mummy. I was simply growing him for a time until he was able to go home with his real mummy and daddy. That I never felt maternal towards him (protective? Absolutely!). Some people “got” that and others just couldn’t grasp that concept.
So I must admit it was very interesting and I believe I spoke about surrogacy with passion and highlighted my experiences in a way that would hopefully cause some good discussion about what it means to need a surrogate but also to be one.”
It was certainly a new experience and one that I quite enjoyed! Yep, strange I know.
Ok, photo time!
Hubby and I had a rare opportunity to go out the other week, so we dolled ourselves up and went out to dinner with some friends. It was a nice break and nice to be adults for the night, not just “mummy and daddy”.
It was my birthday earlier this month and I got some new gym gear. I must admit that not having to take care of a baby certainly helps when you are getting back into shape post birth! (although I cant take full credit, I am wearing SRC exercise shorts which support me nicely)
Here is happy little E man! I LOVED our cuddles and chats. He is one special little guy.
I think he was a little perplexed to see himself on my phone screen! lol
Look how big my babies are now!!!
Will try and be better and post more often but just in case- HAPPY EASTER!! xo