First of all I want to get one thing straight.
If I make the rules, I can break the rules!
I said I would give myself until 1 year post birth to make the call (end of November). But I have fallen 3 months short. Why? Because I just cant bloody help myself! I am trying not to get too excited about the prospect because I have one big hurdle in my way (I will outline that below) but I can feel it creeping in.
Here are the great things about surrogacy and my personal journey:
-Meeting amazing, wonderful, brave, kind people.
-Working as a team to add to/create a family.
-Carrying, growing and birthing life.
-Teaching people about surrogacy, advocating for change.
-Supporting others in their journeys as surrogates or IP’s.
-Following the amazing stories of others.
-Teaching our children about sacrifices you can make for others.
Here are some of the more difficult aspects:
–THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE WHO NEED SURROGATES!!! How would I make the call about who to offer my help to and what would I tell those others who are still looking (and whom I have developed incredibly close relationships with) about my decision if I weren’t to offer to them?
-The process is long and repetitive in my state and I think we can do better but that wont happen anytime soon.
-Being preggers with young kids.
The other night I told hubby that I wanted to give another couple a baby. Not sure how he managed to get the kids to interrupt us at that specific stage but they did and the only response I got from him was “hmmmm”. I doubt he was surprised. We have spoken about it a little in the past and he finds the process before approval the hardest (this is the hurdle). He has to take time out of his day to attend counselling etc and with the inflexibility of the clinic, they wouldn’t let him do more than one session at a time. If we did go ahead with another surrogacy, I would hope that the clinic would be okay with reduced counselling for him. He also struggled with seeing me struggle at times for a baby that wasn’t ours.
First I am going to make some calls to the clinic to see what they say about counselling 2nd time around. Then I am going to have a big fat chat to hubby about whether this is something he could support me through again. If he says no, that’s it. It is off the table. I am not risking my relationship and family for someone elses baby! If he says yes, I will throw some IP’s names his way and we can chat about the pros and cons of the options and meet them (or meet them again if need be). Last time, the relationship was just organic, worked for us and we didn’t consider anyone else. This time around is different and I really need his opinions and support.
This time, I have the benefit of hindsight and although my previous journey was amazing, there are definitely things I would do differently, do better. There were things that came up that I didn’t even consider so this would bring more things to talk about initially as opposed to on the fly.
But most importantly, if I did go again, there would be no comparisons. I am a different surrogate, IP’s would be different. I am not going to hold one party up on a pedestal to the other. They are 2 completely different and separate journeys. No assumptions will be made and if I ever hear myself uttering the words “but last time”, please shoot me! As I said above, I have experience with this but going through it with new IP’s is a new experience again and things will absolutely be different which I embrace!
And so it starts again. Possibly. Hopefully.