Surrogacy dating. You connect with a couple online, you send some messages to each other (surrogacy related or otherwise), you get along well and then someone suggests you meet up…
What then? Is there surrogacy dating etiquette? Here are some reasons surrogacy dating is like singles dating, based on my experiences and the experiences of others.
You meet somewhere neutral.
A restaurant, park or a coffee shop is a good starting point. You wouldn’t invite a single guy or girl to your house without knowing them a little better so its safer in public. Surrogacy is slightly different, but then you need to clean your house and who wants to do that?! You can also make a quicker getaway if the conversation awkwardly stalls and you are not at home.
You have a friend check in on you.
“Oh my goodness, there has been an emergency, I simply must go!” Those check in phone calls can be a godsend and surrogacy is no different. Things can be a LOT different once people meet face to face. Strong personalities, desperation to find/be a surrogate, not what either party expected… Whilst I advocate for honesty, a phone call might be your last resort to escape.
What to wear.
Presentation isn’t the be all and end all but it is important. You want to be realistic about how you look. Dress for the occasion- heels and hair extensions at a park might not be the best look. You will see each other in your daggies eventually if things work out!
You ponder what to eat.
The best thing about surrogacy dating is that its usually done in pairs. So at least you have someone to tell you if you have half a head of broccoli stuck in your teeth. Singles dating? You are on your own!
You want to make a good impression but don’t want to come across too eager.
You like these people (or this person). But do they like me? Are you trying too hard? Do they like me? Am I asking the right questions? Do they like me? Is the conversation flowing? Do they like me? Have I said something stupid? DO THEY LIKE ME?!
Eventually you have to talk about babies….
People want kids. Or they don’t. Surrogates want to carry your kids or they don’t. IP’s want you to carry for them or they don’t! Is it too soon to talk about this on the first date? Might be too forward but do you want to waste your time dating if you aren’t on the same page?! Tough one.
Things can be different the next morning.
It was great the day/night before. But in the cold harsh reality of the next day…?
Contact post date…
You have been on a date. You think it went well, the other party seems to have enjoyed themselves. What happens the next day? Do you text, call, send an email? And who makes the contact first? Will I seem too eager if I send the message? Ugh- stop over thinking, brain!!
Sex and intimacy.
Lets face it, surrogacy and dating may eventually involve sex. Not always with each other though… What is the etiquette when it comes to this sort of thing? It’s all about the connection!
Split it. Always. Then there is no pressure on either party. And if you date people who are the pasta and beer type and you are a wagyu and champagne type, no one will be upset about the total on the docket! Once you establish a relationship, then you can change this and make the other party pay 😉
There are ways and means of getting someone to know you are interested in them without jumping in the sack together (although that’s a pretty strong sign). What level of flirting is acceptable? I would suggest not starting EVERY conversation with “when we have a baby together” but you can slide some subtle comments in here and there. Reciprocation of this means you might be in!
You think about the future.
Is this person right for me? Can we make a good partnership? Will they still love me when there is a baby coming? How do I feel about seeing them naked or them seeing me naked? Lots to consider.
All jokes aside, there is no hard and fast rule to surrogacy dating. Just take it as it comes. Don’t force anything that isn’t there. Be honest if you don’t want to go on date number 2. Or 3. You will only get peoples hopes up.