What happened with the FS, you ask?!

First of all, for those who are pondering “what is an FS?”, I will cover that first.

FS is a fertility specialist. There are one million and one abbreviations in the fertility world. I wont cover them all but for those who aren’t sure, here are some more you might come across:

IP’s- Intended Parents (for purposes of this blog, I have named them KiT/CaT)

IM- Intended Mother (KiT)

IF- Intended Father (CaT)

Ob- Obstetrician

Surro- Surrogate (meeeee)

PRP- Patient Review Panel- all surrogacy arrangements have to be approved by this board

POAS- Pee On A Stick (pregnancy test)

BFP- Big Fat Positive (pregnancy test)

BFN- Big Fat Negative (pregnancy test)

 

Now, back to the issue at hand. (You know we were approved but you will just have to keep reading before I officially tell you though)

After a lovely lunch, KiT/CaT and I hightailed it to our clinic in Melbourne, made ourselves known at the reception desk; “oh, YOU are the surrogate” and took our seat in the waiting area, having a bit of a chat, a laugh and of course, taking the obligatory selfie for posterity. Another lady caught our eye and started making conversation. Maybe she thought KiT and I were a couple? We were the only ones on the couch as CaT made a dash to the loo. She made a pretty big assumption that we were there to discuss our first IVF cycle where the potential and promise is evident and things are somewhat exciting. When we told her why we were there, her demeanor changed. She was pleased for us and our tone and interactions made sense but you could tell she was tired. She had scars- physically and mentally. She told us about her 9 cycles, the failures and miscarriages. She had finally received a diagnosis that meant 1 of 2 things- some pretty intensive treatment/procedures OR that she had to use a surrogate. I am glad we met in the waiting area with her and her husband (he didn’t talk, just listened). We gave her some resources to check out, some links to groups where she might be able to get some support. I hope things go well for her.

But it also made me think. Were we selfish for being upbeat and excited about things to come? Was our behaviour inappropriate? I don’t know if there is a right answer for that. Yes, you want to be respectful but you also want to be able to enjoy the process for yourself and for your little baby making team. Of course you aren’t going to go smashing through a clinic screaming your excitement and showing off your good friends uterus… There is no rule book for this situation!!

*mental note- write surrogacy rule book*

We were soon called into the FS office and met the lovely Dr F. She was so excited for KiT/CaT which was great to see. She probed me with lots of questions- most were about my last journey (I think while she had me there, she might as well do some research lol), KiT/CaT were troopers and so respectful of me and all my waffling on about “my last surrogacy”. Most of it was relevant for this journey though as it all formed part of my history as a mummy and a tummy mummy. I almost lost it a couple of times, voice quivering and eyes welling (I just focused on a spot on the curtain to compose myself) because I was excited about going on this journey again for another truly deserving couple. At one stage, CaT got emotional as well and I was so close to completely bawling my eyes out and giving him a big cuddle but that would probably have embarrassed him even more so I did a silent snort and sniff and answered another question.

Off we tootled on downstairs- pathology requests in hand to get 100 vials of blood taken between the 3 of us to check for any nasties and overall blood health. If we hear nothing, then that is good! I came home to show hubby his path request which he was very displeased about! (he hates needles) I am sure he will prevail though!

So in a nutshell, I am an “excellent candidate” for surrogacy once again!! Dr F will put together all the paperwork and hopefully in the next few days we will receive official approval by the clinic committee to start the process with them!!

Now if you are still hanging on and I haven’t sent you to sleep on your keyboard, pressing h’s and j’s into eternity with your forehead, I have something else to share with you!

On the weekend, we had a surrogacy family BBQ! Or as KiT called it, “Meet the Fockers BBQ” lol. I met 3 of KiT/CaT’s parents and they met my Dad and Step-Mum (they have previously met my Mum). It all went so well! KiT/CaT’s folks are so looking forward to becoming grandparents (some for the 1st time!) and they are just lovely. We had some laughs, food was great and none of us were weirdos (at least any more than is considered normal these days. You gotta have a little bit of weird in you to be a surrogate). They are so excited about things to come and are thrilled that their kids will soon be parents! They met our kids and at one stage I got teary watching a future Nana-to-be reading books to our kids. It was like looking into the future and seeing what sort of grandparent she would be and it was heart lifting.

Dad and my step-mum just adored KiT/CaT and thought them more than worthy of commandeering my uterus to grow their offspring in. Winning! I definitely look forward to more catch ups like this.

So that is it from me and all things surrogacy. For those of you who are still with me (thanks, I know your time is valuable), I will leave you with a pic of the family taken yesterday when our eldest started kinder! Can’t believe how fast my cherubs are growing up!! And as always, we can never get a good photo of all 5 of us!!

IMG_0742.JPG

 

Until next time, my supportive and awesome followers xo

 

Oh, and a MASSIVE shout out to a fellow surrogate, miss K for birthing a gorgeous little blondie for her IP’s a few days ago! An equally as massive a shout out to some ladies who we love dearly and as a group, share much mutual affection for one another, on their POSITIVE SURROGATE PREGNANCY!!! This community is freaking awesome.

I will go now, I promise.

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7 thoughts on “What happened with the FS, you ask?!

  1. Loved your post gorgeous girl. In particular I could really relate to your feelings of wondering where to tread the line with positivity and being sensitive to others’ feelings, when you were in the waiting room. I think we all encounter this question often in the surrogacy community.

    Today I met up with another IM for the first time (eeeee new friends!), and we had a very similar conversation about how lucky we consider ourselves, and how careful we are to not allow that to cloud our sensitivity towards others who have trodden a less happily-paved path. We then joked about how people outside of the fertility community must think *we* have the worst luck EVER, haha, so I guess it’s all relative!

    Personally I think we have the ability to give the most to others (and be kind to ourselves in the process) by being our authentic selves, no matter what that means. While it is true that those who have felt the loss and hardship of infertility may come to the clinic in a certain state of mind, I have no doubt that alongside your positivity, you were also able to give that woman in the waiting room a great sense of love, warmth and hope. Your authentic self is not just positive, but also caring and compassionate – so don’t forget that you showed her those things that day also.

    I still remember my first EPU when I was chatting away in the surgical holding-bay to my fellow up-to-the-eyeballs-with-hormones inmates, just SO excited to be taking a positive step towards starting a family (this was prior to finding our surrogate). One of them shot me daggers equivalent to “how the heck can you be so chirpy….. this isn’t Disneyland”, but another girl smiled and we started chatting. I like to think that we both gave each other hope that day just by being ourselves.

    It’s important to learn from others by listening, especially in the tough times, but I think it’s equally as important to stay true to yourself and your own outlook, to give others the opportunity to learn from you.

    Here endeth my essay xoxo 🙂

    P.S I loooove your family kinder photo!! You sure bake ’em cute 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I love this. So much. You are so articulate and right. So right. We are so fortunate to have you support us on our journey and we are equally as fortunate to be able to follow yours and offer support and humour (mostly humour). Much love to you, my dear friend xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for yet another awesome blog post, you’re writing makes me (happy) emotional reading all of your updates and I really enjoy having the email pop up saying that there is a new addition! Your comment about being so excited whilst being mindful of other’s journey’s is a great one as I must admit that I’m in a little bit of a bubble of excitedness so need to keep that in mind.

    I also now remember I have kitkat in my fridge that needs to be eaten, nom nom nom!

    Liked by 1 person

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