The mindset of a surrogate preparing for transfer

Hi there!

Check in post to say howdy. I have not disappeared. I am on Uni break so have been busy binge watching OITNB in the evenings instead of studying. You know- the usual.

I wanted to post about the frame of mind that a surrogate gets into when transfer is coming up. It could be a few weeks out or a few months out, but the cogs start turning.  We have much to consider when carrying for someone else.

This post looks at things that a surrogate may have to consider when transfer is approaching:

  1. Have I consumed all of the alcohol in my house? We dont want any nice bottles of bubbly staring us in the face for 9 months! We will drink that sh1t until there is nothing left. Then we put a blanket ban on all junk mail from bottle shops, pop up booze ads, tell Woolworths to remove the liquor section from their website and tell our partners to finish their booze as well. Then we tell them that if they even think about drinking something alcoholic in our presence there will be dire consequences. Maybe we even get brave and try 47 cocktails we have never had before. In 1 night!
  2. Can we possibly squeeze 3 months of sex into X weeks/months before transfer? A lot of surrogates are sick during the first trimester. This means that sexy time can take a back seat (totally not a pun there, by the way). Then consider if you are doing a natural cycle. Some FS will ask you to abstain from sex altogether during that period. Who wants a condom to break and find out you are carrying your OWN child instead of an IP’s?! (assuming your partner is male, of course!) This could be 4+ months of no action! A lot of decisions with this one. Bonk like rabbits before you are told to stop? Taper off to avoid the massive stress of going cold turkey? Keep maintaining the status quo and then stop? Spice things up a bit beforehand? The choice is yours. And your partners. They have a say too. Sometimes.
  3. Can I eat my own body weight in sushi, cold meats and soft cheeses before transfer? Completely ignoring the fact that you have also tried to get your body into tip top shape prior to transfer… Indulge or be realistic? Make it a special occasion? I would suggest combining all of this with point number 1. It may inevitably lead to point number 2 as well, so be warned. The struggle is real, peoples!
  4. Should I flash my boobs and lady bits at the local GP? Prior to surrogacy, I like to have a pap smear and my boobs checked. Lots of fun. But look at it this way. You are pretty much going to be flashing people during surrogacy anyway. On purpose or by accident. Why not start now with a trusty GP? Also gives IP’s a bit of peace of mind. About your health- not the flashing.
  5. Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Having a dental check up before any pregnancy is recommended. Surrogacy is no different. Get those x-rays before any bubsicles are on board! The pros? Your teeth get cleaned. The cons? 30 minutes of lectures about why you should be flossing and being $1,000 out of pocket even if you have private health insurance! My teeth are prone to cavities, so I see big spending in my future…
  6. Can I lift that heavier weight/run that bit faster/push that bit further when I exercise before I am duffed? For most women, things change when they are pregnant in terms of exercising so they go hard before transfer. I like to appreciate my abs. They are nice, strong and there is no separation. I’ve worked hard on them. I should probably take a picture for posterity. I also like to appreciate my pelvic floor. Might jump on a trampoline for 30 seconds or deliberately get a cold so I can cough/bounce without flooding my undies.
  7. Will I be pregnant over summer or winter? Do I have clothes I can re-use for that season? Will my ankles swell to the size of a rhinos if I carry over summer? Will I need to groom my body hair if I am pregnant over summer? Can I get away with hiding my pregnancy from work all winter by bulking up layers and wearing scarves?
  8. What about holidays? Do I bring holidays forward to before transfer so I can drink and be merry (and go on roller coasters)? Do I have a holiday while pregnant? If so- when will it be? Are there any important appointments or scans? Will I feel sick? How will I feel about not being able to go on roller coasters? Do I wait until post birth and then work out how I am to fit the flab nicely in a pair of bathers but then can go on roller coasters? Tough call.
  9. When will I be due? Will it clash with my kids first day of school? Will it be on school/uni holidays? Will I have to sit an exam while 39 weeks pregnant? Will I give birth on Christmas Day, New Years, Easter etc? Can I drink on my own birthday? How hot/cold will it be? Will my waxing lady be on holiday?
  10. Will my IP’s be on holidays at any time during this caper? Should we sync calendars? Will they be riding any roller coasters?
  11. When do I need blood tests and scans? How many will there be? Will I look like a pin cushion or a drug addict? How will I keep work from getting suspicious? How often will I need to travel? Who will look after my kids? Can I stay longer to get a break from said kids? Will there be shopping involved?
  12. How many pee sticks do I need? When will we test? Can I get a bulk pee stick discount? Do I need to plan in advance and pre-register with pee sticks anonymous? Should I start practicing now?
  13. Do I need acupuncture? What is acupuncture? Will it hurt? I dont like needles…
  14. What happens at transfer? Who will see my bits? Will it hurt? Who can be there? Can I take selfies while pantsless and covered in a sheet with a hole in it? Should I groom? should there be mood lighting and music? Can I pee on a stick straight after?

Now IP’s, I dont suggest throwing your surrogate on a plane to QLD to ride a roller coaster while blindingly drunk and eating sushi and soft cheese straight after having some cavities filled by the dentist. Slightly OTT. Slightly. But some of these points- although amusing- are definitely valid and should be discussed as you navigate your way through the waters that are the pre-transfer stage. Good luck!

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