I feel like I am going through some sort of third-of-a-life crisis (I haven’t reached my mid life yet).
I am drained. Stuck. Questioning “stuff”. Not sleeping well.
Truth be told though- I am NOT questioning surrogacy or my decision to be one again. That is the least of my worries!
The kids are being tough. I love them to bits but their desire for independence, talking back, whingeing incessantly and sheer stubbornness makes me feel like I want to sell them on eBay. They are cute- I could get a good price 😉 They are totally draining me. I am trying to be a perky, happy, fun mum but its hard to do fun things when I battle to even get them dressed in the morning… And what the hell is it with “I want something different”?!
“What do you want for lunch?”
“Tell me what you want and I will make it for you.”
*carries said child to pantry and they say no to everything in there except lollies*
“You can’t have lollies for lunch. If you can’t decide, I will decide for you”
*cue 10 minutes of tantrums*
“Have you made a decision yet?”
“I want a sandwich”
“What do you want in the sandwich?”
*Smacks head in fridge door*
Repeat process for additional 2 children.
I feel like I am in a funk. Professionally. Personally. Emotionally. Study wise.
I dont think this is a case of spreading myself too thin. Although uni has me a little stressed out, hubby has been totally amazing and giving me time to study- taking the kids out to do “something different” so I can have some time alone, that sort of thing.
I think I just feel like I am stuck in a pattern.Groundhog day if you will. I need to make some changes.
We are heading to QLD for one day this week, just hubby and I- a 1 day trip We are pondering purchasing a business. This might give us the drive we need to make those positive changes. I would still be working to make sure we had money coming in but I think it is something we would really enjoy and hubby would be brilliant at. We can definitely afford the purchase but dealing with banks to actually access the money has been tough and again- slightly stressful.
There has been so much going on personally as well. Hospitalisation (for various reasons) of family and friends, deaths, illness, tragedy, you name it. It feels like it is all happening at once and I want to support everyone but its just not physically and emotionally possible. I would definitely be spreading myself too thin. I also don’t want to pull away.
Clarity. I need some clarity. Just one day at a time. In the meantime, if someone can offer me a well paying job in the surrogacy field, I would definitely be happier! (pipe dream?)
I am looking forward to our trip away in November, the twins birthday and then having another transfer. In the meantime, as my good ol’ forgetful friend Dory says, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming”…
Ok, so I have a weird ponder face. No judgement please.