Monday 15th August- A new plan. Maybe. (delayed post #23)

***Delayed post from Monday 15th August***

KiT and I had a girlie day on Saturday. We ate dumplings and drank wine before shopping for shoes and getting a pedicure. It was bliss and I didn’t realise how much I needed it and to see KiT outside of anything surrogacy related. We had a great chat over lunch with LOTS of laughs. I also asked her to be my birth partner! I had been thinking about it a lot lately. Now that mum has moved interstate, our babysitter options are somewhat diminished. What happens if I go into labour and hubby cant be at the hospital with me?! I had a big ponder about it and I decided that I couldn’t think of anyone else I would want to help me through the birth more than KiT. We are going to go to a hypnobirthing class together so she can learn all about supporting me and also about what to expect when I am in labour. She got a bit teary but accepted my proposal!

Of course, we need to get duffed first though…

I still haven’t decided when I will release this post. I am not even half way through releasing my delayed posts, so most of my scrumptious and loyal readers aren’t even aware that our second transfer has failed. I am not quite sure if I am ready for all of this to play out in “real time” just yet.

Hubby and I had a chat about holding off transfer until November and after doing some calculations, worked out that there is just (just) enough time to get another transfer in if we all decide that is what we want. Depending on transfer date, I would be about spot on 12 weeks pregnant going on our holiday which I can live with. I will hopefully be feeling wonderful and amazing with great skin and perfect hair! (Dreaming)

So today we caught up with the FS and discussed options. She confirmed that 2 negatives doesn’t mean much at all. She is confident it is not me (easy for her to assume) and that at this stage, we dont need to look at anything alternative. However, the topic of meds did come up again. After throwing around some info, I decided that I wouldn’t be against a couple of shots of pregnyl post transfer. It is just 2 jabs- nothing more and that is all I would need. No long term progesterone for 3 months. I can live with that. FS also bought up the possibility of a hysteroscopy. For the uninitiated, that involves popping a camera (a small one, not a polaroid) into my uterus via my cervix to have a bit of a look around and see if there is anything unusual going on in there. She said that given my ovulation is okay (my luteal phase is at the short end of normal) and that she has given me lots of scans, she is confident that its not me but was obliged to tell us about all our options. I said to KiT that I would consider it if the next transfer doesn’t work- just to rule me out as the potential issue why the transfers haven’t worked. It is a pretty non invasive procedure and there is minimal down time. I wouldn’t be going under for it.

FS threw the ultrasound up there to check my lining and nothing much of interest is happening as yet. Repeat scan on Friday. We also picked up some more pee sticks and the pregnyl injection and instruction kit (minus the actual pregnyl).

So we are acting like we are doing another transfer but we still have to chat about whether it is definitely going ahead or not. KiT will chat with CaT tonight and they will have the final say.

The mood was definitely more sombre today. I could tell that KiT was emotional and holding back the tears. We spoke about there being so much promise but how you can also see how people can get into a downward spiral after repeated IVF transfer negatives. The biggest cloud for us though is those limited embryo numbers. 4 left. That really plays on your mind and it has been playing on KiT’s mind a bit too. We had a cuddle and a cry after the FS appt. We are all so invested in this and we want it so much.

So here is what will happen. We will either transfer this month or we wont!!


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