“I asked Renee if I could be a guest blogger for Valentines Day, given I am obviously one of her number one fans… (my hubby describes Renee and Matt as the “Rolls Royce” of altruistic surrogacy – and we all know it’s true!)
It is now two weeks since we got the devastating news that our surrogacy journey with our embryos has come to an end. It has been almost seven years that I received my cancer diagnosis and told that my treatment would leave me infertile.
For that entire time I have thought/dreamt/planned on becoming a mother (yep that’s more than 2500 days, I counted!) with our own frozen embryos and the help of an amazing women to carry our baby.
Despite not getting pregnant, I still feel such a sense of pride in what we have achieved together as a team.
No we aren’t having a baby, but we have created something else beautiful – a friendship and a relationship. We have juggled our lives, ate dinners together, attended appointments, filled out forms, baked cakes, chatted and GIFFed almost every day and even had a few tequila shots : )
Renee has had a million blood tests, dildo cams, pee sticks, stabbed herself with pregnyl and gone through five embryo transfers, carrying all of the hope and excitement and disappointment of IVF with us.
There is nothing any of us could have done differently to get a different result. We are in awe of Renee and Matt as parents and what they have done for us so far to help us have a family.
Now what? I don’t know. We need to grieve this loss first and then decide what to do and what our life looks like now. So bring on more crying, laughing, shock, screaming, wanting to punch something….then hopefully laughing again.
The one thing I do know is that surrogacy has fundamentally changed my perspective on parenthood and family. I spotted this comment from actress Kim Cattrall the other day (aka Samantha Jones from Sex & the City with the hot bod and great sex scenes). Like many childless women, she was asked the inevitable question on why she hadn’t had children yet.
“I am not a biological parent, but I am a parent. I have young actors and actresses that I mentor; I have nieces and nephews that I am very close to. … There is a way to become a mother in this day and age that doesn’t include your name on the child’s birth certificate. You know, you can express that maternal side of you very, very clearly, very strongly. … It feels very satisfying.”
Families and parents are created and thrive in so many different ways. This is one of the gifts that surrogacy brings to children, including the children of surrogates; and what an amazing thing to learn from the very beginning of life.
Happy Valentines Day and thank you to all of you who follow and support Renee with your eyeballs and lovely comments. Please keep these up, in case my arms ever get tired from these pom poms #cheerleader “