This post is just a bit of an update about what’s been happening, what is currently happening and what will be happening in the future. As usual, there is lots going on!
I would be lying if I said that during my self imposed break from all things surrogacy, I didn’t think about surrogacy every single day… I totally did! Not just about our journey but thoughts about how others were going, where they were at, if they were okay, if they had success etc. But not being in the community every day was refreshing as it allowed me to regain focus to centre myself and work out what my next step would be and whether I still felt that I could see myself with an ongoing place in said community. The answer was yes, but it’s conditional. I wont allow it to be all consuming. I wont be responding to every post in every forum in every group any more. It was just too much- mentally, emotionally, time wise and economically. I give my time willingly and I dont expect anything in return, but to some, that meant that they could squeeze me for every bit that I had with no regard to everything else that was going on in my life and then disappear once they had their fill (this is the exception, not the rule though- the majority are awesome people and we still keep in touch). And then there were the blunt, rude messages that told me (yes, told me) that I would carry for them without any concern for me and who I was and what I had experienced which really got me down. I felt like an object, not even a person- a vessel to be used and discarded. So rude! So something had to give.
I am back, but in a more limited capacity. I will still organise the catch up dinners and provide support, just not all the time and to everyone. It already feels more manageable and I am getting that love back for the community that I lost there for a little while.
Since our negative transfer and the end of KiT/CaT’s full genetic embryo haul, things have been a bit up and down, I wont lie. For a little while there, we were doing that dance between wanting to give space but not too much, wanting to give support but not too much or too little. I think we balanced it really well. Any of us could have completely shut down and gone to ground but we didn’t. We still communicated and were proactive about getting some counselling which although we probably didn’t need it, was good to get some alternative perspectives on everything we were thinking and feeling. KiT/CaT have been amazing and supportive and I feel that we have offered them the same in return. It’s a rough thing to go through- not just individually or as a couple, but as a group and if we could pull any positives out of such a shit situation, it’s that we still communicated and probably have a stronger relationship now because of it.
Outside of surrogacy, we have been adjusting to our ‘new normal’ of a family of a primary schooler and two kinder kids. I got another 2 x HD’s for my uni (not sure how I did that after our final transfer negative smack bang in the middle of the teaching period!) and another award- this time for Academic Achievement as I was one of the top 3 students in my subject. Work has been flat out but a good distraction and I have done 4 running events between the last week of march and the last week of April. Including an epic 13.5km race in VERY hilly terrain against the well known tourist train, Puffing Billy!
(I didn’t beat the train- not even close!)
With all the training for these events, I chose to significantly cut down on my booze intake. I limited myself to no drinking while at home and only 1 glass when out or 2 if I wasn’t driving. I miss wine sooooooo bad but it has definitely been a good change. Next up for me is Stadium Stomp which involves running up and down the stairs of the iconic MCG and then my 2nd half marathon in July. I have a smattering of smaller fun run events in there as well.
I also have some other exciting things coming up. July marks my final year of Uni- 3 teaching periods to go. The twinners will be getting ready for primary school, I have some awesome stage shows to see (hello- Disney’s Frozen on ice!), a couple of weekends away, the surrogacy conference– which I will be speaking at and so much more!
But what about our surrogacy stuff? That is the million dollar question….
As much as I would love to say that I am pregnant or that we have a firm plan, we don’t. There are conversations being had, information is being gathered, appointments have been made to ask questions and that is where we are at. KiT/CaT still want me to carry a bubba for them. I still want to carry a bubba for them. None of that has changed. We are still ridiculously in surrogacy love with our team and one another lol What has changed is that we would be introducing donor material into the arrangement by way of an egg donor (all ED’s are extraordinarily amazing women!) and that adds additional time, effort and steps to the process. Even if we had an egg donor today, we wouldn’t be looking at a transfer until probably Q4 of this year. To satisfy regulations and legislation in VIC, we would need more counselling and legals (just one session for each) and a resubmission to the Patient Review Panel. There would also be a quarantine period needed to be served for the embryos.
So that is it! Lots happening as I said, but that’s me so we don’t really expect anything otherwise, do we?!